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This is the last word on the Ashes. Promise. To continually talk
about it, dissect it, roll it around in our fingers . . . it just
prolongs the pain. God knows glimpsing Michael Vaughan on the
atop an open-top double-decker celebrating like he's on the set
of Porky's II is making it hard enough. In these times, cricket
fans, use the Greg Norman fallback after he steamed his pants
at the US Masters: ``We are winners in life''.
So, for the last time, let's say what Australian cricket should
do in the wake of handing the little urn of cremated bails back
to the Poms.
1. Sack Ricky Ponting. Just kidding. But if he ever makes a comment
like ``If we lose the Ashes, it won't be my fault'' again, definitely
show him the door. If he decides to bowl on a belter after winning
the toss, kick him out of said door.
2. Find an all-rounder, find some quick bowlers. Ask Rod Marsh
how he found some for England. Actually, why not pay him a large
amount of money to get him back? Same goes for Dennis Lillee.
3. Sack Hayden, Katich and Martyn. Put a rocket under Gilchrist.
And give Brad Hodge and Mike Hussey a go sometime, maybe against
the Windies this summer in the dead-rubbers.
4. Play Stuart MacGill in the Super Series between Australia and
the rest of the world.
5. Stop smiling and engaging in witty banter with the opposition.
6. Throw John Buchanan's laptop in the bin.
7. Get every Australian player to get the mongoose hairstyle of
Kevin Pietersen.
8. Last, but not least, let every Australian cricket fan out there
to realise something. Nothing lasts forever. It was good while
it lasted. Things come to an end. Blah de blah blah blah...
What do you think? Click your way to
our Comebacks
page and tell us.
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