1. Pre-game, get both teams’ captains to sign 20 match balls, and let the fans keep any which are kicked into the crowd. Baseball fans in America still get excited about catching home run or foul balls. Would work here, too.

2. Drop food prices. Food is too expensive at the footy for families. Or, let fans take their own food in. No oranges allowed, though. These make great vodka-concealers and weapons for throwing at the opposition …

3. Still on food: serve drinks in special club-themed, hard-plastic cups which fans can keep as a memento from a great day or night out at the footy …

Fans like stuff. So give them gifts as they arrive at the ground. (Photo by Getty Images)

4. Still on food: the good ol’ sausage sandwich used to be a staple at the footy. Over the years it’s been replaced by the expensive luke-warm hot-dog. You can still buy sausage sangas at Penrith Park. It’s gold.