Why your NRL team won’t be premiers in 2015

A tongue-in-cheek look at what will stop your blokes from lifting the trophy.

There are plenty of pundits out there who will tell you why every rugby league team is awesome, but we bet NONE of them is prepared to predict what will go wrong this far out from Grand Final Day. Yep, we’re either really brave or really stupid doing this, but here goes: why your team won’t be winning the 2015 GF …

SOUTH SYDNEY RABBITOHS

There hasn’t been a repeat premier in the NSWRL/ARL/NRL since 1992-93, when the Broncos achieved such a feat.

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PENRITH PANTHERS

They’ll suffer stage fright at the last or second-last hurdle, when they’ll be up against the big stars. Don’t ask Cameron Smith for his autograph – tackle him!

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SYDNEY ROOSTERS

With Anthony Minichiello, Sonny Bill Williams and Frank-Paul Nuuausala gone, they’ve lost 570 NRL games worth of experience. Hope Blake has a good year …

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CANTERBURY-BANKSTOWN BULLDOGS

Despite plenty of advice to the contrary, they’ll try to re-sign Terry Lamb and Steve Mortimer for their “back to Belmore” matches. It won’t be pretty …

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NORTH QUEENSLAND COWBOYS

They’ve been robbed in the semis by a ball batted forward by the Sea Eagles, a seventh tackle try by the Sharks, and a knock-on/forward pass/roll forward ball against the Chooks. What will it be this year? We’re going for a touch judge error from a “missed” Thurston conversion.

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NEW ZEALAND WARRIORS

Shaun Johnson is so good, he’ll outplay himself. He’s so hard to contain and predict, not even his team-mates know what he’ll do next. No even he does …

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WESTS TIGERS

Their players will forget which of their 23 home grounds they’re drawn to play at next and will suffer defeat via no-show.

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GOLD COAST TITANS

They’ll still be heartbroken because they miss Carty …

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MELBOURNE STORM

The Big Three will run out of steam post-Origin. Wouldn’t you if you’d played as much footy as them?

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MANLY-WARRINGAH SEA EAGLES

They’ll be drawn to play someone in a “home” semi at the Sydney Football Stadium, but will have to forfeit because their passports - needed for travel over to the other side of the harbour - won’t be processed in time.

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CANBERRA RAIDERS

Not sure if we’ve heard of this outfit before. Tell you what, we’ll watch out for them on Channel Nine to see what all the Jarrod Croker excitement is about.

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NEWCASTLE KNIGHTS

Wayne Bennett isn’t their coach anymore.

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BRISBANE BRONCOS

Wayne Bennett will be expecting Allan Langer-type plays from Ben Hunt and Darren Lockyer-type skills from Anthony Milford, just like Bennett’s old days at Red Hill. When this doesn’t happen … gorne!

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