God-awful grunting

Never mind that John Newcombe, for one, long ago declared grunting “legalised cheating”. The women’s tour finally got the message via fan polling in 2012 that told us the (ear) bleedingly obvious: grunting is a major turn-off for many fans.

Far from being as natural as breathing (as the shriekers claim), it’s a blight on the game that’s been tolerated for far too long. As Maria “Shriekapova” archly put it, “No one important enough has told me to change.” Moves are finally afoot to curb the farmyard stereophonics, though the changes will be imposed on aspiring juniors, not the scream queens. So keep those ear-plugs handy.

Maria Sharapova